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I have, yet again, been given the opportunity to evaluate my belief in Truth.

Recently, there have been some incredible people that I know who have lost a spouse, a child, been diagnosed with cancer, or a number of other devastating circumstances.

Terrible Things Happening to Good People

Why?

A handful of years ago, I believed that when you do good things, good things happen to you or for you. That the yield we have in this life is directly related to what we do. Though, I probably wouldn’t have described it in the moment that way. I don’t want to push aside the idea that we should work hard to gain results, I do believe that still to be true.

But.

I no longer believe that there are many guarantees in life. For years I prayed on the subject, looked at the patterns in the lives around me, and attended the temple to plead with my Father in Heaven about this subject. I came to the conclusion that the only thing that comes to those who do what they can in this life is the potential for peace to exist internally.

For years I found myself trying to do what I felt I should, but kept having tough things happen. I knew I wasn’t perfect, but felt like my intention and effort were sincere. This made me think, at that time, that what I was doing wasn’t good enough, else my life would be better.

Surely, it was evidence that I wasn’t good enough or did not have enough faith.

I started to read in the Book of Mormon and Bible with new eyes and began to understand more of what God being no respecter of people meant.

I saw that sometimes people declared their testimonies and were saved from fire, but other times they burned! Job has just about the worst life I can imagine. The Savior Himself was reviled, hated, baited, and even had those closest to Him deny Him.

The One who came to save the world from spiritual death.

This went against what I saw culturally around me in the Christian faith, as well as my specific branch of Christianity within the LDS faith. I saw people talking about material goods as blessings, the concept that if more people prayed for something, it would be more likely that a miracle would be granted, and guaranteed financial blessings when paying tithing.

The counter point being, there are many people starving in the world that are great people, and some people don’t have many friends to include in a prayer chain. Does God not love them as much?

As my brother likes to say: I don’t think God considers prayers as if they were faceboook likes.

What I have begun to grasp is that God is much more concerned about the people we become than any other thing. He wants us to develop into the people that we are meant to be.

Difficult things happen for all sorts of reasons: biology, choices we make, choices others make that effect us, and who knows what other reason. I believe that God has the power to change things. I do. But I also believe in a God that finds choice to be an essential point of progress.

When we choose to utilize the experiences that happen around us and to us as an opportunity to become a better version of ourselves, that  is when we find internal peace. I don’t think we are guaranteed to have our communities continue to accept us, our family member’s lives to be preserved, or any physical or mental problems be completely removed from us.

It may happen, but it may not.

So does that mean the terrible things that happen were always going to happen?

I have no idea.

What I do  know is that I have seen incredible people utilize horrific experiences to become a better version of themselves. I have seen people become more empathetic, raise awareness around them, start service organizations, and quietly insist on serving people. It is awe-inspiring to witness people walk through tragedy and hear them stand resolutely that Christ is their Savior and that they have a Heavenly Father that knows and love them. That doesn’t mean they don’t have tough, sad, empty, or ask ‘why?’ days. They can have all of those things and still feel a sense of overarching peace in their life.

1st Corinthians 15:55-57

This has given me an opportunity to reflect on what is most important to me and what I believe. I know that Christ came to save us in our guarantee of sinning. I know I have a loving Heavenly Father who allowed me to have opportunities to learn to become better. I have done okay in some ways, and have a long way to go in many others. And that’s okay. I am grateful to have a Savior who overcame the bands of death and so that families can know one another into the eternities.

I am sure that in another 5 years my view on the subject of becoming may have evolved some more, but for now, this is where I sit.

And, finally, questions remain. 

Probably the first sentence I formed as a toddler was a question. I have always been a big fan of questions and am fine to sit in a spot of unknowing and mull over questions.

-Is it possible for God teach us these things without it being so devastating?

-What does ‘faith to be healed’ mean? How do I resolve the idea in ‘faith to be healed’ with ‘faith that whatever is best will happen’?

-How do large scale miracles occur?

-By what criteria do miracles occur? The sum total of positivity from those witnessing it vs. the sum total of development that happens otherwise?

-In what way do I approach the balance of faith and works?

-Asking for Priesthood blessings is an important part of the faith process, but if ‘what be, will be’, how is that resolved? Does the mere asking help a person become a changed person?