Meditation, prayer, lds, mormon blog, amyemueller.com, amywearsblack.com, snakeriverwebsites.com, score.org, SCORE,
Progress, Yoga

Remember

Remember is a word I have a tough time… remembering.

I see the benefit of engaging in meditation to hold on to clarity for the day. For me, that looks like reading scriptures and then spending some time drifting in and out of thought and prayer. As an added stress relief, that also includes daily exercise where I am not distracted.

When I get going on this path, I feel great! I feel more in touch with my goals and do not feel out-of-control, even if everything is not figured out. And what do I go and do after a bout of this?!

Stop meditating.  

I always pay the price. My brain gets more disorganized, my goals seem harder, and that clarity is lacking which ends up in fear.

A few days ago I realized I had entered this part of the cycle, once again. So I did what I have learned through meditation, which is to just adjust myself and make a better choice in that moment. So I have been once again engaging in the better practices for myself.

But then.

As I was sitting in the gym cafe, my usual patched together school/childcare plan, a man came up to me asking about my laptop case. (A heavily reinforced tank of a case to combat my children’s antics)

I love a good conversation and it turns out he works for an organization with the Small Business Administration that helps people make small businesses. He was adamant that they need me as a mentor in digital marketing, SEO and websites but that they could help mentor me more in the business creation end for myself.

Yet another example of how I am remembered by my God. What I am trying to build, I consider holy work. I want success so badly for the stability it will provide my children. I cannot communicate how desperately I want this to happen. It has led to me making some really tough tradeoffs, but so far, it’s working!

I am grateful.

July 8, 2017 by
Happy Right Now

Content

Today I was given the gift of contentment and joy. As I was making Emily’s bed and talking with her, the boys were laughing and clamoring to take baths. Emily then was wanting to take a bath in the other room. As they have played and bounced around this morning I have felt gratitude and joy for my life. I am blessed to have my children and that I get to watch their spunkiness. A week ago I discovered that Lucas has begun to draw people as circles with legs. I was so excited to see this developmental milestone. It was also a reminder that as much as I call him my baby, he is getting older. I am grateful that in the midst of pursing big goals, Heavenly Father touches my heart as a reminder to look around me in the here and now.

July 8, 2017 by
Christmas 2016, single mom, amywearsblack, amyemueller.com, snakeriverwebsites.com
Christianity, Christmas, LDS, Miracles

Miracles

Miracles are happening.

It was no small consideration to get a divorce. This has been years of heart-wrenching thought and prayer. Just because a path is what is right for me, does not in anyway make it easy. And it not being easy, doesn’t make it wrong. All I have to do is look to the Jaredites in the Book of Mormon. Blessings: getting to be with family and some friends. Not so great: Make a boat, travel on said boat in close quarters with said family and friends. Try not to get drowned by whales, only to arrive in a land that you need to make all your own from scratch. Certainly the blessings are there, but that sure doesn’t mean there aren’t a lot of scary parts.

And here I sit in the scary parts. The unsures of the future. Certainly I made a plan. I even had it reviewed by a fabulous financial planner who gave it his stamp of approval. But here I am. Sitting in that boat I have somehow figured out how to build with the help of the Lord (figuratively, of course, since I live in the high desert). I’m out on the water, and here come the thoughts of, “by golly, I sure hope this works. Do I have it in me to make this happen? I am doing what I am suppose to be doing? These kids are depending on me to accomplish this, but what if I am just not enough?”

The only thing I can figure out to do is hold tight to the divine inspiration I know, I KNOW, I received. It happened, that I cannot deny. Nor can I deny the process of events that have led me to where I am now. But that water sure looks dark, and I don’t have much experience taking a boat from one continent to another.

I had been feeling rather overwhelmed and lonely. Lots of sickness means no babysitting, which means I get far behind on my school work. Thankfully, a blessing I have received is the ability to understand complicated information much faster than I should be able to on the number of hours of sleep I have been getting. But, when we are talking about 3-4 hours of interrupted sleep a night, things get tough to hold together. So I finally had enough brain power to pray yesterday. I asked for help. I asked that maybe someone could help me cope with the responsibilities on my shoulders. That I have a hard time feeling like I am bothering people when I ask for the help that I really need, which is time with the kids.

10 minutes later, my Bishop calls. Tells me to have the kids make Christmas lists and to give them to him on Sunday. That some nice people in the ward would like to help out some families, so he is calling me.

Today I head to church, feeling overwhelmingly humble that I have been remembered by the Lord and by my ward family. With no family close by, it is nice to be thought of. The kids were feral cats at church. The lack of sleep, recent illness (though they are well now), and other situations just made the boys especially nuts. It was a happy nuts, where they were joyfully harassing one another.

Very. Loudly. Jumping all over.

I finally took all 3 out into the foyer of the church and separated them onto different chairs spread out. Of course I am thinking, “why am I here?” I remind myself that I find value in the pattern of attending church and being a part of a ward, that the Sacrament is the most important part of my attendance, but attending all meetings is important to me to show my children. Out marches my neighbor from my house I just sold. “Which one do you want me to take?” My daughter will only consent (and is excited) to go with her. The boys are fine enough in the foyer. I take the kids to class, hand in the Christmas list. The neighbor finds me and gives me a big hug and insists that I need to sit by her every Sunday. I am crying at this point, being so sleep deprived and overwhelmed. She continues to ask me what I need. I am so scatterbrained, but she feels right through this and got to the heart of my needs. She insists she can watch my kids as I need for the next couple weeks.

What a miracle. I was shown that I am not alone on this path I am walking.

I am humbled.      I am grateful.

July 8, 2017 by
Idaho Sunset, amy wears black, amywearsblack.com, amyemueller.com, snakeriverwebsites.com, Snake River Websites, Idaho Falls Websites, Mormon Blogs, Yoga, single mom, building a business
Progress, Yoga

Thoughts on Progress

Today I went to yoga.

I had not been for week because the kids and I have been so sick and I try to be mindful of not spreading the germ-love.

I used to think that yoga was not for me because my brain goes a mile a minute. I have learned, however, through the past couple years, that perhaps those of us who think this way need it the most. It gives me an opportunity for an hour of self-reflection while working my body. That is also why I love swimming. It is all encompassing and requires all of my focus.

This particular instructor is knowledgeable and kind. I love to listen to the words she has for us for the day. She asks a lot of questions for us to pose to ourselves for self-reflection. Today she posed the concept of coming to the mat to work, but then asking ourselves developing questions of where we are at. Why is this position a struggle, or too easy? Are we engaging all parts of ourselves?

The ultimate goal of these questions aren’t for the yoga class. It is for everyday. I understood better the cycle I am in right now. I have the fire to do the work required of me. It is tough to go to school online for such a technical degree, care for 3 small children who have had a lot of change in their lives, and create websites for small businesses in my free (ha!) time. I am throwing it down when it comes to work. I want this.

But every few weeks I find myself getting down about how many self-reflecting questions I am having of if I am pursing the right direction. And is this really going to work? Is the messiness of my house evidence that I am doing something wrong?

I am beginning to understand that the questions are GOOD! It is the judgement of myself with the questions that is creating the problem. I need to begin embracing the process of  having the fire to do the work, settling into that process, asking tough questions, doing some self-reflection, adjusting a bit, then getting back to work. My work will not be as effective in my life with my children, school, or my business unless I allow, without judgement, time for reflection. That reflection is going to create the best adjustments and therefore the best outcome.

It’s all a process.

June 4, 2017 by